comedycentralstandup:

Your Joke of the Day from Anthony Jeselnik. Watch the full clip here and download his special “Caligula" for just $5 on CC:Direct. 

comedycentralstandup:

Your Joke of the Day from Anthony Jeselnik. Watch the full clip here and download his special “Caligula" for just $5 on CC:Direct

The extended and uncensored version of Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula is available now on CD and DVD. Click the image to watch a DVD-exclusive clip, then click here to buy your copy.

The extended and uncensored version of Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula is available now on CD and DVD. Click the image to watch a DVD-exclusive clip, then click here to buy your copy.

Last Friday, during his Ask a Professional Comedian Q&A, Anthony Jeselnik mentioned that there were at least two bits that were two dark for the broadcast version of his new special Caligula and could only be heard on the extended and uncensored CD or DVD versions. Well, Caligula drops tomorrow and is available to preorder now.
In the meantime, you can click the gif to watch a DVD exclusive clip right now.

Last Friday, during his Ask a Professional Comedian Q&A, Anthony Jeselnik mentioned that there were at least two bits that were two dark for the broadcast version of his new special Caligula and could only be heard on the extended and uncensored CD or DVD versions. Well, Caligula drops tomorrow and is available to preorder now.

In the meantime, you can click the gif to watch a DVD exclusive clip right now.

nickstoeberl asked you:Mr. Jeselnik i have the longest tongue in recorded history, where do i put it next? thanks, nick.
In a light socket. 
Anonymous asked you:For Anthony Jeselnik: I’m thinking of creating a children’s show. I need an inspiring message. 
That’s not a question.
cameronnoland asked you:Oh dearest of Anthonys, thank you for gracing this internet with your presence. My question: What makes a joke funny to you? There are often many parts to a joke that enables people to genuinely laugh at it. Also, what do you draw from when writing your material? Life experiences, observance, etc. 
The only thing a joke has to do to make me laugh is surprise me.  I really enjoy any comedian if I can’t predict the next word out of their mouth.  The punch line, or observation has to be something I didn’t think of in the time it takes to explain the premise. 
I get some of my material from life and a combination of television, movies and books.  It all helps.
Anonymous asked you:Hey Anthony Jeselnik! Sorry to ask this in front of outsiders, but are you a Brony?
No, but all of my friends are Bronies.  All of them. 
Anonymous asked you:For Anthony Jeselnik… Do you have any jokes about war? (Hope, hope) 
The closest I get to joking about war is joking about 9/11 or the Holocaust.  But I have a lot of jokes about 9/11 and the Holocaust.
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The very funny Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now here on our Tumblr. Submit them to our Ask box, and don’t forget to watch the premiere of his new stand-up special Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

nickstoeberl asked you:
Mr. Jeselnik i have the longest tongue in recorded history, where do i put it next? thanks, nick.

In a light socket. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Anthony Jeselnik: I’m thinking of creating a children’s show. I need an inspiring message. 

That’s not a question.

cameronnoland asked you:
Oh dearest of Anthonys, thank you for gracing this internet with your presence. My question: What makes a joke funny to you? There are often many parts to a joke that enables people to genuinely laugh at it. Also, what do you draw from when writing your material? Life experiences, observance, etc. 

The only thing a joke has to do to make me laugh is surprise me.  I really enjoy any comedian if I can’t predict the next word out of their mouth.  The punch line, or observation has to be something I didn’t think of in the time it takes to explain the premise. 

I get some of my material from life and a combination of television, movies and books.  It all helps.

Anonymous asked you:
Hey Anthony Jeselnik! Sorry to ask this in front of outsiders, but are you a Brony?

No, but all of my friends are Bronies.  All of them. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Anthony Jeselnik… Do you have any jokes about war? (Hope, hope) 

The closest I get to joking about war is joking about 9/11 or the Holocaust.  But I have a lot of jokes about 9/11 and the Holocaust.

- - -

The very funny Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now here on our Tumblr. Submit them to our Ask box, and don’t forget to watch the premiere of his new stand-up special Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

amanza asked you:For Jeselnik - If you became a rapper, what would your name be? I think Jeseldik would work. You’re my favorite comedian, I just have to say. 
I would never become a rapper.  But if I did my name would be Big Poppa Jeseltron.  That’s been my nickname since I was two.
Anonymous asked you:My question is for Anthony: How can I get my girlfriend to stop demanding “105%” of my attention? 
Get her a calculator.
Anonymous asked you:What’s your method for dealing with hecklers?
I have zero tolerance for hecklers.  But I just say whatever pops into my head.  Hecklers are always drunk and they’re not the best listeners.  So if I can turn the audience against them, hecklers usually shut up.
lilleby asked you:Dear Anthony, What did you get for Christmas? 
Sandy Hook. 
Anonymous asked you:At what age did you first take someone’s V-card? 
18 if a V-card is what I think it is.  4 if it’s not.
- - -
Anthony Jeselnik has taken over our Ask box and is answering your questions live right now. Don’t miss the premiere of his new one-hour stand-up special, Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

amanza asked you:
For Jeselnik - If you became a rapper, what would your name be? I think Jeseldik would work. You’re my favorite comedian, I just have to say. 

I would never become a rapper.  But if I did my name would be Big Poppa Jeseltron.  That’s been my nickname since I was two.

Anonymous asked you:
My question is for Anthony: How can I get my girlfriend to stop demanding “105%” of my attention? 

Get her a calculator.

Anonymous asked you:
What’s your method for dealing with hecklers?

I have zero tolerance for hecklers.  But I just say whatever pops into my head.  Hecklers are always drunk and they’re not the best listeners.  So if I can turn the audience against them, hecklers usually shut up.

lilleby asked you:
Dear Anthony, What did you get for Christmas? 

Sandy Hook. 

Anonymous asked you:
At what age did you first take someone’s V-card? 

18 if a V-card is what I think it is.  4 if it’s not.

- - -

Anthony Jeselnik has taken over our Ask box and is answering your questions live right now. Don’t miss the premiere of his new one-hour stand-up special, Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

Anonymous asked you:How do you figure out your stage persona?
I figured out my stage persona by getting as much stage time as I could early on in my career.  Half of the process was making conscious decisions about how I would act on stage.  For instance, I would tell myself “this time I’m going to try to move around a little more and act a little bored to see what that does for me.”  The other half was just becoming comfortable and acting more natural as I gained experience. 
nebemai asked you:Anthony, where should I hide the body? 
I recommend a deep hole and a lot of lye.  Gotta destroy the corpse.  I’d say go the “Breaking Bad” route and dump the body in a vat of chemicals.  But, what are we, nerds?
jrobewc asked you:#Anthony Jeselnik I am just starting out doing stand up and I write offensive jokes.. Whats some advice you can give me about starting out and is there anything thats too offensive to joke about?
Nothing is too offensive to joke about, ever.  I can’t stress that enough.  My advice to anyone starting out is that if you want to be better than a certain comedian, all you have to do is write and perform more than that comedian.  Work.  Work.  Work. 
chrisislameandsois asked you:Yo Anthony, what do you think is the darkest joke you have personally written?
That’s tough to say.  There are two jokes towards the very end of Caligula that are so dark they had to be cut from the televised version.  Pitch fucking black.  They’re on the CD and DVD, though.  You’ll know them when you hear them.
scrotumcoat asked you:for anthony jeselnik : make any new years resolutions? break them yet? 
My New Year’s Resolution is to keep it fresh.  So far, so good.
- - -
The one and only Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now. Submit them to our Ask box, then be sure to tune in to the premiere of Anthony’s new one-hour stand-up special, Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

Anonymous asked you:
How do you figure out your stage persona?

I figured out my stage persona by getting as much stage time as I could early on in my career.  Half of the process was making conscious decisions about how I would act on stage.  For instance, I would tell myself “this time I’m going to try to move around a little more and act a little bored to see what that does for me.”  The other half was just becoming comfortable and acting more natural as I gained experience. 

nebemai asked you:
Anthony, where should I hide the body? 

I recommend a deep hole and a lot of lye.  Gotta destroy the corpse.  I’d say go the “Breaking Bad” route and dump the body in a vat of chemicals.  But, what are we, nerds?

jrobewc asked you:
#Anthony Jeselnik I am just starting out doing stand up and I write offensive jokes.. Whats some advice you can give me about starting out and is there anything thats too offensive to joke about?

Nothing is too offensive to joke about, ever.  I can’t stress that enough.  My advice to anyone starting out is that if you want to be better than a certain comedian, all you have to do is write and perform more than that comedian.  Work.  Work.  Work. 

chrisislameandsois asked you:
Yo Anthony, what do you think is the darkest joke you have personally written?

That’s tough to say.  There are two jokes towards the very end of Caligula that are so dark they had to be cut from the televised version.  Pitch fucking black.  They’re on the CD and DVD, though.  You’ll know them when you hear them.

scrotumcoat asked you:
for anthony jeselnik : make any new years resolutions? break them yet? 

My New Year’s Resolution is to keep it fresh.  So far, so good.

- - -

The one and only Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now. Submit them to our Ask box, then be sure to tune in to the premiere of Anthony’s new one-hour stand-up special, Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

theburntv:

Check out some exclusive, uncensored footage of Jeff, Bobby, Anthony and Lisa SPEED ROASTING the audience that didn’t make the air. 

Want to see more Anthony- check out his Comedy Central special Caligula this Sunday@9.

For info on where to see Lisa Lampanelli LIVE, click here.

And Bobby Lee! He’s… on Twitter

laughspin:

Comedy boner via @nerdist + @AnthonyJeselnik

laughspin:

Comedy boner via @nerdist + @AnthonyJeselnik

Click the image to watch a preview clip from Anthony Jeselnik's new aptly named special Caligula, premiering Sunday, January 13 at 10/9c

Click the image to watch a preview clip from Anthony Jeselnik's new aptly named special Caligula, premiering Sunday, January 13 at 10/9c