thejeselnikoffensive:

A chef killed and cooked his wife and Anthony’s got some cooking tips for him.  Catch highlights of last night’s episode of The Jeselnik Offensive w/ guests Natasha Leggero and Jason Mantzoukas.  Watch:  Natasha Leggero and Jason Mantzoukas on The Jeselnik Offensive

Gross! Who boils meat?!

thejeselnikoffensive:

We scoured Twitter for the best feed around…and, we found it.  Follow:

@anthonyjeselnik

The reviews are in and The Jeselnik Offensive is, “Awesome!”

Click the gif to watch the first seven minutes of The Jeselnik Offensive, premiering tonight at 10:30/9:30c after an all-new Tosh.0.

thejeselnikoffensive:

A preview of tonight’s monologue.  Yes, the whole thing is gonna be this good.  Catch the series premiere of The Jeselnik Offensive tonight at 10:30pm EST/PST.

Anthony Jeselnik did a Reddit AMA and, just like bronies, it rules. Click on the image to read it.

The Jeselnik Offensive premieres tonight at 10:30/9:30c.

thejeselnikoffensive:

JESELNIK’S SPECIAL PICS - The studio’s almost complete and The Jeselnik Offensive is coming soon…

[Via The Chive] 

thejeselnikoffensive:

We scoured Twitter for the best feed around…and, we found it.  Follow:

@anthonyjeselnik

Anonymous asked you:
Why dont your jokes help me get in bed with chicks?

Because no one’s jokes get chicks into bed.  Try playing some of my music on acoustic guitar. 

brickwallbrauche asked you:
I just want to tell Anthony that he’s such a huge inspiration and I love his work. the way he carries himself on stage and how he doesn’t let criticism affect him because he knows he’s just that fucking good and that other people are idiots is refreshing to say the least. But if I MUST ask a question I’d like to know if he had to build up his confidence or if he was just born cocky and self assured.

Being confident is easy.  You just fake being confident for a really long time and then one day you’re actually confident.  It also helps to fail a lot because it’s the only way to learn that failure can’t hurt you. 

deankewntz asked you:
What did Leno think of your joke about your uncle’s camp for kids about to get molested?

That’s funny you should ask.  I think that was his favorite.  During the commercial break after my set, I heard Jay and Randy Jackson telling that joke back and forth to each other and laughing.  Jay was really cool.  They let me get away with jokes most other shows wouldn’t. 

planetcub asked you:
For Anthony Jeselnik, how pissed are you to be answering questions all day?

Ha.  Not too pissed.  It’s more like a dull anger, throbbing in the back of my head. 

miss-anthropee asked you:
@AnthonyJeselnik do you have a favorite book you can recommend?

Great question.  One of my favorites is Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis.  I’d also highly recommend The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach and The Map and the Territory by Michel Houellebecq.  Right now I’m really enjoying The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.

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That’s it for this installment of Ask a Professional Comedian. A big sincere thanks goes out to Anthony Jeselnik for participating and to all of you who sent in questions.

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula premieres Sunday at 10/9c, and be sure to keep an eye out for Anthony’s new series, The Jeselnik Offensive, coming to Comedy Central February 19 at 10:30/9:30c.

nickstoeberl asked you:
Mr. Jeselnik i have the longest tongue in recorded history, where do i put it next? thanks, nick.

In a light socket. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Anthony Jeselnik: I’m thinking of creating a children’s show. I need an inspiring message. 

That’s not a question.

cameronnoland asked you:
Oh dearest of Anthonys, thank you for gracing this internet with your presence. My question: What makes a joke funny to you? There are often many parts to a joke that enables people to genuinely laugh at it. Also, what do you draw from when writing your material? Life experiences, observance, etc. 

The only thing a joke has to do to make me laugh is surprise me.  I really enjoy any comedian if I can’t predict the next word out of their mouth.  The punch line, or observation has to be something I didn’t think of in the time it takes to explain the premise. 

I get some of my material from life and a combination of television, movies and books.  It all helps.

Anonymous asked you:
Hey Anthony Jeselnik! Sorry to ask this in front of outsiders, but are you a Brony?

No, but all of my friends are Bronies.  All of them. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Anthony Jeselnik… Do you have any jokes about war? (Hope, hope) 

The closest I get to joking about war is joking about 9/11 or the Holocaust.  But I have a lot of jokes about 9/11 and the Holocaust.

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The very funny Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now here on our Tumblr. Submit them to our Ask box, and don’t forget to watch the premiere of his new stand-up special Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.

Anonymous asked you:
How do you figure out your stage persona?

I figured out my stage persona by getting as much stage time as I could early on in my career.  Half of the process was making conscious decisions about how I would act on stage.  For instance, I would tell myself “this time I’m going to try to move around a little more and act a little bored to see what that does for me.”  The other half was just becoming comfortable and acting more natural as I gained experience. 

nebemai asked you:
Anthony, where should I hide the body? 

I recommend a deep hole and a lot of lye.  Gotta destroy the corpse.  I’d say go the “Breaking Bad” route and dump the body in a vat of chemicals.  But, what are we, nerds?

jrobewc asked you:
#Anthony Jeselnik I am just starting out doing stand up and I write offensive jokes.. Whats some advice you can give me about starting out and is there anything thats too offensive to joke about?

Nothing is too offensive to joke about, ever.  I can’t stress that enough.  My advice to anyone starting out is that if you want to be better than a certain comedian, all you have to do is write and perform more than that comedian.  Work.  Work.  Work. 

chrisislameandsois asked you:
Yo Anthony, what do you think is the darkest joke you have personally written?

That’s tough to say.  There are two jokes towards the very end of Caligula that are so dark they had to be cut from the televised version.  Pitch fucking black.  They’re on the CD and DVD, though.  You’ll know them when you hear them.

scrotumcoat asked you:
for anthony jeselnik : make any new years resolutions? break them yet? 

My New Year’s Resolution is to keep it fresh.  So far, so good.

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The one and only Anthony Jeselnik is answering your questions right now. Submit them to our Ask box, then be sure to tune in to the premiere of Anthony’s new one-hour stand-up special, Caligula, Sunday at 10/9c.