“They had to ditch the backpack because the fireworks were incriminating, and the jar of Vaseline is just embarrassing. In fact, you know, I want to change my guess as to what the movie was they were watching. I’m gonna go with Osama Bin Layin 3: Ji-hard On.”

-Stephen Colbert

[@ColbertReport]

¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

[The Colbert Report]

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, considering he’s pals with Jon Stewart.

Click here to watch Stephen take on Man of Steel and Iron Man 3 in the Summer Movie Edition of “Movies That Are Destroying America” from last night’s Colbert Report.

Click the gif for a heaping helping of Thought for Food from last night’s Colbert Report.

On last night’s Colbert Report, Stephen interviewed Rep. Matt Cartwright from Pennsylvania’s 17th District, home of Crayola.

Click here to watch the whole hilarious thing.

cabinetofoddities asked you:
This question is for Al Madrigal! So my boyfriend does some stand up and considers himself an innovative, out-of-the box comedian. Today he told me about a (very) out-of-the-box bit he wants to do and I casually mentioned I didn’t think it would work. The next thing I know, he’s having a drama queen meltdown, telling me I’m so unbelievably negative and critical and just overall the worst. Please explain how a passing comment could evince such a total overreaction?

Just tell him to quit acting like a baby & in the future not to run his half baked ideas by you and let you know after he works it out. That’s what my wife says to me.

colbertfan asked you:
For Al: What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you behind the scenes at TDS?

Weirdest and Coolest - Colbert popped into my office, a former storage closet, for 20 minutes to chit chat.

girl4042 asked you:
Al Madrical: If you were to train me for four weeks for a stand-up comedy competition or a major audition, and had 2 million dollars on the line, what would the training look like? What if I trained for eight weeks?

Did you ever see Rocky 4? It’d look like the opposite of that.

- - - 

That’s it for this installment of Ask a Professional Comedian. Many thanks to the great Al Madrigal for participating and to all of you who sent in questions!

Al Madrigal: Why Is the Rabbit Crying premieres tomorrow at 11/10c.

Last night, Stephen Colbert gave President Bill Clinton some Twitter lessons.

Click the gif to watch.

Look who joined Twitter.